Basileia Round 2

This past year I served on a leadership team with 3 other people for Rider's chapter of InterVarsity.

During the spring semester of my freshman year I responded to God's calling of me into leadership with a "yes"--totally the last thing I thought I would be getting myself into in college.

Stepping into leadership was never something I would have considered if someone didn't believe in me and push me out of my (very comfortable) comfort zone. Luckily I had plenty of people doing that to me at Rider.
God had huge plans for my life and I would have never known how great they were if I didn't attend Basileia.

(See my post about it from last year)

--

Taking on leadership meant I had to attend Basileia. I had to learn to be a leader and also prepare for the coming school year with the rest of my team. I wasn't sure where this opportunity was going to lead me since I was still very unsure of what I was putting on my plate in the first place. This wasn't a "no big deal" situation--this position was legit. My campus needed me.
SO. I raised enough money, packed my duffle bag with a week's worth of things, sat through a 6 hour car ride, got slightly lost, arrived late, unpacked my stuff in the (very, very nice 5 star) cabin and prayed to God that he would show me why I was stranded on top of mountain for a week.

I can't really pin point what my expectations were but all I can remember is everyone telling me I was going to have a lot of fun. At that point I wasn't sure how learning how to be a leader connected to fun at all.

To spare you a lot of detail, I learned A LOT. My brain was so full after that week and I had no idea how I was going to possibly fit anything else.

God gave me visions, God gave me words, and God gave me purpose. With every question I needed an answer to, He provided--and then some. Because of all of the amazing lessons I had to sit through and all of the people I had to listen to, I caught the vision of InterVarsity. I learned that it wasn't about spreading awareness of this organization. The goal isn't for people to know InterVarsity--the goal was for people to know Jesus. The message couldn't have been any clearer.

In a fellowship that lacked leaders, I was called to take up a responsibility. This meant communicating to the Christians at Rider how important it is that others hear the gospel before they graduate.

It takes a whole lot of courage for someone be missional in their own backyard, witnessing to their own friends and classmates. This past year doing so has been nothing but rewarding. All of the blood, sweat, and tears I've put into this mission has proven to be worth it in the long run. God is working whether we see it or not--we just have to give him room to do so.

Through it all, I've learned that God doesn't just throw anyone into anything. And that is why I have accepted leadership for the 2nd time, this coming school year. I can only imagine what more I will gain from attending Basileia for the 2nd time. But I can't get there on my own. I need your help.

In order to prepare for the up and coming school year, my leadership team and I will be attending Basileia from May 16th - 21st. We will leave the week-long training more equipped and ready to go out and evangelize to our campus and spread the love of Christ. I'll also get to grow in my own personal relationship with God in order to become a more developed leader. 

Would you invest in my leadership development & spiritual formation? 

Here are two ways you can:

1. Prayer.

During Basileia: for unity, transformation & clarity as we hear from God and plan for the next school year. 

After Basileia: that we put what we've learned into practice and continue to seek God as we go forward!

2. Financial support: The cost of the trip is $390. Included in the costs are room & board, excellent training, and the opportunity to get away from the business of life and hear from God in community. 

(For details you can contact me, Emily Kelley).

Thank you in advance for your prayers, support, and kind words through this experience.

2014 recap.

What even happened last year? A lot. Let's recap.

January:

- started my 2nd semester of college

- redecorated my dorm/ surrounded my bed with nice letters & pictures

- decided I loved videography.. did nothing about it (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j56HEPCQXyo)

- my favorite band's headlining tour sold out and the tickets went on stubhub. I complained for days and they finally added more.

February:

- someone set off the fire alarm at 4 a.m. via plastic cup (i hate you, conover)

- flappy bird.

- EOS followed me on twitter

- paradise fears' show got snowed out & postponed to march

- sent a ton of valentine cards to friends

- hated sociology

- I became a starbucks gold member!!!!

- julia sent a picture of sam miller to my printer at school

March:

- youtubed videos with delaney bc we don't know how to curl hair

- wrote my first article for the campus newspaper

- emailed ellen degenerous begging for pizza

- collected every EOS flavor

- went to see paradise fears at TCNJ with kaitlyn, natalie & kelly

- got lectured about underage drinking from jordan merrigan

-- then he tried to give me the keys to the band van

- saw pf again the next day

- met emily for the first time

- made a #bangerz purse

- filmed a video with delaney about spring break (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uA-AHHm-tHY)

April:

- covered delaney's wall with brian dales photos for april fool's day

- licked the sign in front of my school for a contest to meet miley, didn't win :(

- saw an egyptian goose on campus

- woke up at 7:00 every day for a week to listen for my name on the radio (see bullet #2)

- stayed on the phone with a friend overnight until my alarm woke us both up in the morning

- university day and rider had really good food and smoothies and a man on stilts? 

- took my first AND SECOND photo for the campus newspaper

- changed my major from communication studies to public relations

- saw the wonder years & real friends with delaney

- miley's tour was postponed, i cried

- got the job as photography editor of the rider news 

May:

- got my first A in college (sociology, what)

- saw all time low on the last day of classes at starland

- changed my minor from spanish to graphic design

- got asked to step up into a leadership position for intervarsity christian fellowship on campus for next year

- voted my face off for paradise fears to win the rising star contest (they didnt)

- sat in front of the lake on campus for an hour, contemplated life, and made a flower crown

- accidentally watched an entire macklemore concert on youtube

- had my car on campus for a week and had to park in visitor's

- bought a dslr camera

- juicy juice hypotenuse 

- took a road trip to upstate new york for a christian leadership development conference

- God changed my life.

June:

- started reading leadership books/ journaling

- took a random trip to the boadwalk at night with friends

- did my first photo shoot with a kaitlyn

- surprised natalie at her dance recital with alex

- #realtruehomies

- got a press/ photo pass for the tragic thrills (ended up not going)

- initiated into a squad ("easy squad")

- evil apples

July:

- got guestlisted/ press approved for warped tour in camden

- asked to shoot for oh honey

- hung out with the "squad" in philly for the day

-- saw the magic gardens!!!

-- drove around philly it was terrible

-- spent the night with natalie, kelly and alex

- went into philly for the 4th of july free concert thing

- gave a devotional talk thing in front of a lot of people

- went to delaney's house to visit

- went to warped with nat and alex!!

-- shot warped tour even though i had no clue what i was doing

- met the summer set, echosmith, the maine & derek discanio

- got to shoot for oh honey, neon trees & the fray the next day

- volunteered at VBS

-- my little first graders luved me

- kim k hollywood

August:

- MILEY FRICKEN CYRUS CONCERT

- went to a random christian lake/ park with alyssa bc it was free

- went to the zoo

- saw one direction at the lincoln financial field

-- got our seats upgraded to the 15th row right after 5sos played

-- waved to harry styles and cried

- took a bus to NYC by myself and spent the day with alex

-- saw paradise fears together (photo pass)

--- sam miller sang blame it on september to prove he knew my name (how rude)

---- best night of my life

- saw pf again the next day in philly (with vip)

-- got on the wrong bus to come back home

--- sam saw us in the crowd and got really excited so their photographer took a pic

---- asked sam to play stories in the dark at vip so they did

- met hella cool people via the live forever tour!

- pf posted my photos on instagram/ facebook with credit!!!!

- moved back into school a week before everyone else to start my job (newspaper)

- got an unwelcomed visit from a praying mantis at 3 in the morning, called delaney, and cried real tears on the phone for an hour

- made friends with some freshmen on my hall because my door was open and they wanted ice

September:

- turned 19???

-- delaney covered my bed in balloons

--- "it was intentionally minimalist"

- was the first one to order starbucks for the semester at the one on campus

- started a weekly radio show for 107.7 the bronc

- saw/ met colton pack (still dont really know who he is lol) when he performed on campus

- shot the fall concert at rider (magic!, samantha j, kat dhalia)

- went apple picking with my family and delaney & her mom

- developed a daily consistent quiet time to read the bible/ journal/ pray

- took a spontaneous trip to the beach with delaney

- helped lead worship/ lead a bible study at a retreat for freshmen

- got delaney and i into twenty one pilots for free after hours of confusing

-- shot for twenty one pilots and vinyl theatre

- car broke down 2 miles away from school because i ran out of gas at 2 in the morning

October:

- realized that the administration at school isn't going to always be very nice or fair

-- learned to deal with it

- became overwhelmed with school/ work/ leadership/ responsibilities

- got approved for a photo pass to self help fest

-- it wasn't at the box office

--- waited for 2 hours and they gave us tickets out of pity, couldn't get photo pass

---- sold the extra ticket to some kid who said he loved me

----- saw bring me the horizon and the wonder years <3

- someone yakked about my radio show

- bought a real friends shirt for the free button

- did the color run in atlantic city with abby, my mom, and delaney

- someone drove their car into the side of the fine arts building

- went apple/ picking with friends from the fellowship

- attended "the big event" weekend retreat with intervarsity 

-- heard God calling me to do huge, scary things

- bought 1989 and took a lot of selfies with it!

- went home to celebrate halloween with friends

November:

- took a day off from responsibilities and walked around the mall/ target/ princeton by myself

- realized i was failing my first class ever

- answered God's call and started seeing results immediately

- signed up for classes next semester

- readded spanish as my second minor

- set the mircowave on fire in wright via taco bell burrito

- went on a spontaneous trip (all the way back home) to see tenth avenue north with kat

-- tenth ave called me the next day to thank me for buying the CD

- went on a giant crane thing to get an aerial shot of the flags on campus for veterans day

- had to withdraw from bio before i failed it on my transcript

- wrote my second article for the campus newspaper

- got tweeted by hoodie allen

- went to a free "for king and country" show with a bunch of friends at the sun national bank center

-- met joel afterwards

- had my hair re-ombred

December:

- sat through my last math class, ever

- finished up a semester of shooting/ editing for the rider news

- went to nyc to see the rockettes

- endured the hardest and most emotionally draining finals week I've been through

- ended with my best grades (in college), to date

- saw/ shot the 1975 the day before my math final

-- finally saw young rising sons after 3 years of trying

--- met them and andy asked if i met him 3 years ago

- applied for internships this summer

- trivia crack.

- got caught in a back to back hallmark movie marathon by accident

- made abby take a pop punk christmas picture with me

- lost one of my best friends 

- realized that the nicest people in my life never left

-- frankensquad was created/ adopted me as their own

--- i love them.

- went to the new carlo's bakery

-- saw the actual cake boss, made eye contact.. awkward

- hung out with friends from high school a lot

- saw the notebook for the first time

- took artsy photos at penn's landing

- celebrated new years with my best friend & family

THAT is a lot to be excited about. I've got a lot of goals for 2015 that will hopefully top this list. Here's to another great year.

"Just be a better person."

I don't know where to begin or how to fully explain my faith into well-formulated sentences that make sense to anyone who can't read my mind.. but I'm going to try.

My belief in God goes way beyond attributing him for the "daily coincidences" or  the "right place at the right time" moments that happen to me day to day. I see God in literally everything. It didn't just come naturally after I committed my life to Him, though.
This semester, I started this daily routine where I wake up at the butt-crack of dawn (okay, not really, it's actually like 7 a.m., but still..) and I have quiet time. Sometimes I get ready for the day and head to Starbucks or go to my school's dining hall. Other times I literally sit in the hallway of my dorm with a cup of coffee. I read my Bible, pray, write in my journal, occasionally add in soft worship music, and just be still--for about an hour.

Growing up, I had always looked at older Christian influences in my life and assumed that they were super spiritual and probably had a 3 hour quiet time every single day. So, naturally, I'd always wanted to be like that--someone that people can look at and say "wow, she must be really close with God." However, the term "quiet time" that most Christians use to describe their time alone with God had always intimidated me. I thought I could pray anywhere at anytime? What do you mean I have to sit still for long periods of time for God to listen to me? Is a half hour of my time really worth the sacrifice of having a close relationship? These questions always tore me away from praying at all, for a very long time. I had always thought that being the Christian I wanted to be took too much work and that I was perfectly content in my spiritual life with only believing. 

When a person becomes "saved," I feel like there's this weird assumption that their life dramatically turns around in the complete opposite direction right that second and they become this super great Christian with this wonderfully inspiring testimony.. but that is hardly ever the case. In my own life, I probably couldn't point out the day I became a believer in God nor could I give you the year, or where it happened. I didn't have a life-changing moment at the alter or a significant spiritual conversation with a believer that made me realize that I need God in my life. Nothing great happened.. I just, grew up in church.
I have mentioned this in previous posts, but because I grew up going to church (and liking it?!), all of my non-Christian friends new me as "the church girl" or "the one who would probably just die if she even laid eyes on a bottle of alcohol before she turned 21." Because of the way most people labeled me, I painted this picture in my mind of myself as "the perfect Christian" and that "nothing I did in my life could cause me to be wrong with God." As long as everyone else knows I believe in God, I should be good, right? Like, isn't that what "living for God" is? And people can see that, so doesn't that mean I'm also advancing the kingdom of God? I'm fulfilling my purpose on Earth, right? Right???? Yeah... no.
I think it's safe to say that no matter how old you are, you're always learning, always observing and always changing. Your life will never be a constant of anything. I've learned quickly that spiritual life evolves in the say way. I think it's healthy to have questions about religion, not know answers to a lot of things, and sometimes dislike certain aspects of it. Of course, that doesn't mean these doubts or frustrations should cause you stray further from the source.. or in this case, God. They should cause you to investigate. Faith is believing in something without seeing it or needing tangible proof that it exists. Not knowing the answer to a lot of spiritual-based questions but still believing with your entirety in God and His plans, is faith.

So wait - why do I get up so early? Having 9:10 / 9:45 classes all week can be brutal if you're waking up 10 minutes before class, rolling out of bed and scrambling to get yourself ready in time. Suddenly, that person who didn't hold the door for you is on your hit list and if looks could kill, that kid in your math class talking way too loud to the person behind them might as well be dead.. 8 times.
I found myself having this problem a lot last year. My earliest classes turned out to be my least favorite and anyone who interacted with me for more than 5 minutes before 11a.m. probably thought I was the world's biggest jerk. I wanted desperately to change this but knew I couldn't do it by my own power. I became obsessed with the thought of becoming "a better person."

A few weeks ago, when my wonderful mentor brought up the idea of having a daily quiet time, 19 years of shunning that term boiled in my blood and it took everything in me to not run away from the scene. Are you crazy? I have five classes to take every week, a job on campus, a weekly radio show to prep for, and a leadership position in the Christian fellowship. Do I really have time to set apart specific time for God? Well, the answer was yes. Apparently you're never too busy for God. I began to think of all the times during the day when I'm not doing anything that I could set aside 15-30 minutes for personal spiritual growth. Since my schedule is different from day to day, I knew quiet time would never become routine if it wasn't at the same time.
Deciding to wake up 2 hours before my first class, daily, was such a huge deal for me. Anyone who knows me knows that I definitely am not a morning person. Like I said, I can't really function before 11a.m. However, over the course of training myself to wake up early, I learned to love it. It's amazing how much spending time with Jesus can change your outlook on life.
If I can set apart time to hang out and spend time with my friends, why couldn't I do the same thing with Jesus?
I love my quiet time because it always reminds me that God should always be the first thing on my mind every day (and in every circumstance)--even when it's super early in the morning and you've got 3 midterms coming at you in just a few hours that you know you didn't study enough for.

A few days ago, one of the students on campus crashed their car into the side of one of the academic buildings. The first thing I did when I heard what had happened, was pray. I knew God was looking over the driver, her passenger, everyone in the classroom that got hit, and even the officers consoling her but I also knew that in the midst of everyone making jokes about this horrific situation, at least one person had to ask God for healing. Thankfully, no one was injured and everyone walked away from the scene.
Last weekend I swiped into my building after classes only to find a girl carrying (what seemed to be) her half of the contents of her dorm, down the stairs. I offered to help. She politely declined my offer.. but instead of shrugging and walking up another flight of stairs to my dorm to escape the crappy week I was having, I followed her down to the ground floor and held the doors for her since she didn't have any hands left. She was so happy to tell me she had been carrying things to her car all day and I was the only one who bothered to hold the door for her.

My definition of becoming a better version of myself gradually went from "being friendly to every person I make eye contact with because that person might be having a crappy day" to "being friendly to every person I make eye contact with because God loves them just as much as He loves me even though they don't know Him."
It's so humbling to see that God doesn't love me any more than the girl down the hall who practices voodoo (for example) even though I'm an active member of the Christian fellowship group on my university's campus who also wakes up an hour and a half earlier than I have to, just to spend time with Him.
I mean, think about it. The friend you spend the most time with, know the most about, and have the closest relationship with, is probably your best friend. Jesus doesn't play that game. He doesn't pick favorites and he doesn't put anyone on a higher pedestal. He is the perfect best friend, role model, Lord, savior, and father we never had.

I know that I've got a lot of room for improvement and of course I know that I'll never be perfect, but Jesus changed my life.
I'm a happier person. And for the first time in my life, I love the direction I'm headed in.

Fear of The Christian Label

So just as a warning, this is going to sound more like an unorganized rant than a blog post, but whatever.

I can't really pinpoint when it happened but sometime during high school, my core group of (non-christian) friends found out I was a Christian. Ohh, so that's why she doesn't curse. I don't want to say I was made fun of, because it never bothered me, but I was called the "church girl" or "the christian" on (what seemed to be) a regular basis. For a while this was awesome to me. Everyone knew not to invite me to parties, offer me alcohol, ask to copy my homework, or ask my opinion on controversial topics. Everyone already knew my answer. I took a lot of pride in being known as the Christian. At some point I think I even started using it as an excuse for practically everything.
But as soon as someone saw my bad side or as soon as I started trash talking somebody, I got the classic phrase "wait, aren't you a Christian?" or "Woah Emily, what would Jesus do?"
For sometime I thought this was humbling. Oh, my friends know how careful I am about my relationship with God so they're just keeping me accountable, right? I was feeling like I had to live up to the image of Christianity that my friends - and the world - thought it was.

Being a Christian doesn't mean I never get my feelings hurt, or that I never lie to people. Loving Jesus and valuing our relationship doesn't make me think I'm perfect.

Graduating high school and moving on was weird because I was entering a place where no one knew my religious background. I wasn't sure how to approach that. I wanted people to know, but I didn't want to be the "perfect, too-good-for-everyone" christian that I was considered in high school. The first couple weeks of school I was invited to many parties, and offered a lot of things that I turned down. But this was expected. Most freshman tend to go overboard with all of this new-found freedom. As much as I didn't want to involve myself in any kind of religious group and maintain the reputation I had in high school, I certainly didn't want to be involved with the party crowd. Nothing against them as people, I just didn't want to choose what they chose to dedicate their life to for the time being.

Long story short, I quickly found myself getting heavily involved in a Christian fellowship group on campus. It seems that I was always involved with/ talking about this club that pretty soon, anyone who had ever talked to me on campus knew exactly what I believed in and who I was living my life for. Some people started to think they could change me, or that I was too good and they needed to level me out and take me to a party or two. Others reacted how everyone reacted towards me in high school.

No one wants to be judged for who they are, but if me being labeled as a Christian is going to scare people from offering me excessive amounts of alcohol, I'll take that as a compliment. Thank you.

But as soon as someone thinks that I'm judging them based on their choices, that's when I get offended. Who am I to judge you? That's not my job. That's definitely not why I'm here.

I've encountered a couple of people recently who, upon learning my Christian background, thought they weren't  "religious" or "God-fearing" enough to be my friend. As if I only associated myself with Christians and/ or thought anyone else did not deserve to be around me. So untrue. Hearing stuff like this breaks my heart.
I'm going to live my whole life knowing that I'm not in any way, shape or form worthy of being accepted by my God, but he loves me unconditionally regardless. Why should I expect my friends to try and be good enough for me? That would be completely hypocritical and not like me.

Ultimately, I know that I was born in this country, at this specific time in the history of the Earth, to fulfill God's purpose. He can't be down here with us. The only thing he could do to reach his creation was send his son Jesus, in the flesh, and now it's my job (as well as my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ) to preach the good news and spread Godly loved to every single person we encounter daily.

It's so cliche to say that "I'm not perfect" and "I will make mistakes" but as soon as the face of Christianity is soiled for someone because of something I said or did, I feel too much pressure to fix it. I'm slowly realizing that I don't always have to fix my mistakes for the sake of other people as long as I am right with God. And that is the most comforting feeling.

Another thing I noticed during my first year of college is that anyone will straight out talk to you about how much alcohol they've had, drugs they've experimented with, laws they've broken, things they've done with their boyfriend/ girlfriend, etc. Anything you want to know is practically yours to find out.
UNTIL they find out your a Christian. Automatically it's like oh she doesn't drink so she has no idea what I'm talking about or she's waiting until marriage, she doesn't know what this means and most often since she doesn't curse I feel the need to explain what this curse word means. Like hello I'm almost 19 years old. Yes I can be treated like a normal adult and yes I prefer that. I'm not any less informed about the world than you because I view it differently.

Sooooo yes, I am a Christian. But no, that doesn't mean you can hold everything I do against me. It also doesn't mean that I ask myself what Jesus would do before every decision I make.

I guess I'm just sick of people assuming before they actually know what I stand for. I can say for sure that about 98% of the people I've ever talked to about Christianity made assumptions about my life without asking me what I believe it stands for and how I live it out accordingly. And that has changed and shaped my relationships dramatically.

Music & My Life

They say you can tell a lot about a person when you look at the music on their iPod. In order to see how accurate this actually is, I put my iTunes on shuffle. Here are the first 15 that came on, without skipping a single one.

1. The Bastards, The Vultures, The Wolves - The Wonder Years
The Wonder Years are completely wonderful. Seeing them live probably changed my life a little. If I had to describe my taste in music using 3 artists, TWY would definitely be one of them.

2. My Lighthouse - Rend Collective
Ever since seeing this band live, I've loved their style. I've been trying really hard to listen to more Christian music because I've found that I really enjoy the stuff that I already have on my phone. These guys are one of my favorites. 10/10 would definitely recommend.

3. Million Dollar Houses (The Painter) - Pierce The Veil
Actually, I don't 100% know this song. PTV is one of those bands I was obsessed with for like, a month, but never bothered to learn every single song they've ever released. But of course I have it all on my phone, you know, just in case.

4. Complexes - Tonight Alive
I've discovered a weird love for female-fronted bands after hearing TA for the first time. Jenna McDougall is queen. Not to mention, they're Australian. Who doesn't love foreign bands?

5. Pompeii - Bastille
Come one, who doesn't have this song on their phone? #1 radio guilty pleasure, right here.

6. Holy Ground - Taylor Swift
I'm pretty sure there's a crazy high statistic about every teenage girl having Taylor Swift songs on their iPod. I can't relate to any of her songs but they're definitely super catchy. Plus she's an adorable human. Definitely in my top favorite solo artists.

7. Self-Conclusion - The Spill Canvas
Such a quality band, The Spill Canvas is. I honestly only started listening to them because one of my favorite bands talked about them all of the time, and I've only been completely impressed so far. This song is so beautiful yet so sad at the same time. And I love that.

8.  My Last Semester - The Wonder Years
TWY round two. Duh. They're great. This song is great. One of my favorites on this list for sure.

9. Lucky - Action Item
I used to be like, totally obsessed with Action Item back in my Allstar Weekend days. This song is over a year old but I don't think I could ever delete any their stuff even though I hardly listen to it. The entire Resolution album was definitely a good one. I listened to it in my car every day for a few months when it came out, during my senior year of high school.

10. Fall Down (feat. Miley Cyrus) - will.i.am
WELL DUH. If you know anything about me at all, it's that I'm in love with Miley Cyrus. Of course I have every single piece of mp3 greatness that she has graced with her outstanding vocal chords with, on my phone. Despite the fact that it's not actually her song, it's a total jam.

11. Hold On, We're Going Home feat. Majid Jordan - Drake
Okay, let's be honest. I make fun of people who listen to Drake all of the time. But I also may or may not have all of his albums. And I may or may not secretly listen to them all of the time. He's okay, I guess.

12. Keep You With Me - Hot Chelle Rae
Hot Chelle Rae?? This is usually a song I would skip on shuffle. I think keeping their music on my phone is because I refuse to let go of bands that used to be one of my favorites - no matter how long ago it was when I was into them.

13. Miss Jackson ft. Lolo - Panic! At The Disco
I LOVE PANIC! AT THE DISCO. Interesting that this song was one of the first on shuffle, it's one of the best off their newest album. I remember the first time I heard this song.. Ha ha ha. Interesting story. Remind me to tell you about it sometime.. Maybe, if you're lucky.

14. Violet - Paradise Fears
PF is definitely my favorite band and I'm honestly surprised they only came up once in the first fifteen. Violet is an older song of theirs - their music has taken a different route in the past year but I've obviously kept their old stuff. Because it's literal gold.

15. A Wake (feat. Evan Roman) - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
Literally do not underestimate my love for Macklemore. I can probably recite every single lyric of his right on point if you ask me nicely. 100% favorite rapper in the entire game. No need for further discussion.

To an extent, I think this is a pretty accurate description of my taste in music. From bands I was obsessed with in high school, to rap, to Taylor Swift and alternative/ pop punk, that just about sums it up.
On the other hand, this list seems to lack Bring Me The Horizon, Of Mice And Men, The Summer Set, Megan & Liz, plus so many more other diverse bands/ artists that I listen to on a regular basis. I don't want to be that kid and say I listen to all types of music, but I'm definitely not opposed to trying anything.

The Over-Worked Student

Going into high school, I was like, man I'm going to be valedictorian of my graduating class. I'm a smart kid because I'm good at math! - But that was 8th grade graduate Emily talking illogically to herself.
No, I wasn't put in all honors classes during my first year of high school, but that never bothered me. Until now.
I took honors biology which was, ya know, kind of a big deal. And I was put in geometry. Most freshman took Algebra but I took that in the 8th grade. Anyway, I felt smart. I was a straight A student in middle school and a member of the National Junior Honor Society. Nothing in my life told me I couldn't achieve that 4.0 and beyond during my entire high school career.

This past semester of college I took Sociology. One of the few things I choose to still remember from that course was the chapter on education. It taught us that the way we behave in elementary school affects our placement in middle school; our performance in middle school ultimately creates our high school schedule; and the GPA we graduate high school with will, in fact, alter the affordability of college and/ or choose the university that we attend. I never completely grasped this concept until it became clear in this chapter. We obviously don't know it when we're 8 years old but the way we choose to act then can dramatically alter our lives in the next 10 years and beyond. Reading that, I remembered blaming my (very young) self for not ultimately becoming "the smart kid" in high school. So what happened? Why did middle-school-graduate Emily have more hope than about-to-graduate-high-school-and-go-away-to-a-college-that-she-was-still-sort-of-uncertain-about Emily? Well, I'll tell ya.

Freshman year was weird. It was a year of adjustment and learning. Not just learning by cramming useless information into my brain, but learning that life is a competition. Middle school Emily was very heartbroken to find out that she was not considered "smart" in this new place. Being placed into honors history for sophomore year of course gave me a huge confidence boost--but was it enough? I was only in two high level classes (science, and now history) and still one year ahead of most of my class in math.

Sophomore year changed my life. Somehow, some way, by some weird twist of fate, I ended up sitting with four of the smartest people in my entire grade at lunch. I had been acquaintances with some of them and we had a lot of mutual friends in middle school. Long story short, we all became good friends that year. Through them (and partially my honors classes) I started to become close friends with all of the really smart kids.

After learning to hate history, I dropped the honors, completely disregarded the thought of taking AP, and stuck to what I could handle. I remember feeling like my world was crumbling underneath me everyday in that class. I couldn't handle the heartbreak of failing another test that all of my friends were getting perfect scores on. (Literally. This is no exaggeration.) I was never one to be good at studying. No matter how hard I tried--and believe me, I tried so hard--I could not retain any information. I couldn't memorize facts or tell you what any of the 44(?) presidents accomplished. Everyone in high school had me convinced that I wasn't smart just because I couldn't retain that kind of information.

I ended up taking an AP Environmental class my junior year which was the absolute worst decision of my entire life, to this day. I was definitely not made to go through that kind of pressure. Like I mentioned, this was all especially hard for me when I saw all of my closest friends taking all AP classes and still getting A's. Why couldn't I handle one?

Yeah, I was inducted to National Honor Society and National World Language Honor Society, but I never once felt smart. I went all 4 years with such a broken mentality regarding my capabilities that by the time I was a senior, I had absolutely no clue what I was going to do with my life. I'm not good at anything.

Most of my classes through high school were not easy. I could have never imagined taking them a step up into AP. However, I did have many teachers who asked why I wasn't in a higher level class. To me, this was crazy. I never scored below an A on a paper that I wrote in high school and I always picked up on every math lesson immediately. I was completely content and happy not stressing myself out and doing well in all of my classes. Why should I try and define myself as "smart" by overworking my brain and allowing more stress into my life? That was the absolute last thing I wanted. I decided AP/ honors classes would ultimately drag my GPA down to the pits of Hell and therefore dramatically limit my college entry rate. Illogical? Maybe. But not at the time.

I took a video production class my senior year solely because I needed the extra elective after dropping my history class. (We only needed 3 years of history). Despite not knowing a soul in that class and having to work on group project after group project with two sophomores I actually really, really loved it. I was good at it. Something about drawing out a movie, setting up the cameras and finding the perfect angles for the shots, and finally editing everything together was so much fun for me. I felt like I had so much freedom to express myself through editing in a studio. I remember leaving that class on my last day of high school. My teacher pulled me aside and told me never to give up video editing, which I thought was pretty weird at the time. He told me I was one of his favorite students that year. It made me feel really good. Looking at it now, I realize that I kind of took that class like a joke. Nothing was serious about it for me. I just wanted to graduate high school. I didn't know that this was something I wanted to do with my life.

Being an expert on something like video production, photoshop, photography, cooking, inventing, painting, or designing is not "good" enough to land you a spot on stage at your high school graduation as valedictorian. And that is okay. 
If I learned anything at all from high school, it's that you don't have to score perfectly on the SAT to know you're a genius.
So what, I wasn't the best in the sciences during high school. That's the beauty of college. I got to choose something I can be successful in. I'm going to be just as successful in the field of Communications as someone really good at Biology will be in their field. In my eyes, neither of us is smarter than the other.

Some people are blessed with amazing precision, accuracy, memory, and technique. These people are potential future surgeons, doctors, and nurses. Others are born with sincerity, social skills, and understanding. I think these people would make the best psychologists, guidance counselors, and personal aides.
I was given the gift of creativity and the ability to do things with my imagination. I love social media. Some people would tell me that this "obsession" is ruining my life and that I need to pick up a book and read. That's wrong to me. I love it because I understand it. I know that I can be an amazing edition to any company when I graduate college because I'll be an expert in something that I absolutely love doing. Even if I don't graduate with a degree in PR, I know for a fact that it won't be in education, chemistry, or calculus. Each and every day, every second I spend scrolling on my iPhone is learning experience for me. I'm taking glimpses into the rest of my life. What's trending on Twitter, popular on Instagram, or being raved about on Tumblr is all important to me. I like to keep up with the latest apps and know what people are talking about all over the world. Maybe I am obsessed with technology. If I was obsessed with reading text books and learning every bone in the body, I may come off as smart and determined to a lot of people. So why is this situation different? Why am I being viewed as lazy?

The pressures of high school really messed up my mentality and it's not fair that it took me 18 years to figure it all out. To this day, absolutely nothing bothers me more than being compared to someone taking all AP classes in high school. I hate to see other students looking down on themselves for this reason, too. Your potential is definitely not measured by a piece of paper with some numbers and percentages.

I could not be happier to be doing something that I love to do. I'm having a blast in college. If I had gone into Rider as a biology major, I know for sure I would not be happy. I can only pray that others will see the potential in themselves quicker than I saw it in me.

THIS RAIN NEEDS TO NOT

This is about to turn into a real heated rant real fast.

So, Rider's campus is small.. About a 12 minute walk from one side of campus to the other. We don't need a bus to get to class and all of the buildings are within a decent walking distance.. On a good day.

Today was probably the rainiest, worst-weathered day this campus has seen all year. I used to love the rain. I liked to take pictures of windows with rain drops on them or sit outside in the rain for fun. It was never a burden to me. Until this year. Rain, snow, and even below freezing weather all discourage me from leaving my dorm building.
I got rain boots for Christmas. I never felt a need to have them in the past, and I couldn't understand why I needed them now.
But now, now I completely understand.
I don't know why, but Rider is literally the most uneven campus in probably the entire world but you can't tell when the sun is out and everything is dry. Days like today, you need a boat to get to class. I swear every single path around campus had some sort of 5 foot deep puddle in the middle of it. This totally wouldn't have been a problem a few months ago. I used to wear my rain boots every single time it rained, even when it drizzled. And everything was dandy. Somehow, somewhere in all of those days of utilizing them, they've accumulated holes--on the bottom, of course. Now stepping into any puddle over and inch deep results in soggy feet for the rest of the day. The worst feeling in the world.
Nothing was worse, though, when I walked to class in the pouring rain and realized that my backpack flap was open and my stuff was soaked.. Later I discovered that wearing my backpack on my chest prevented it from getting  wet when I was using an umbrella. Try it sometime.
To top it off, I had a lot to do and a lot of places to be today. That meant a lot of walking. In crappy weather like this, campus seems to grow 40x in length and the desire to walk anywhere is nonexistent.

With all of that in mind, a couple of weeks ago I brought home my winter jacket--the only jacket I have that is almost completely water resistant and capable of keeping me warm in this weather (and that has a hood that covers all of my head). I had to double up with hoodies and leather jackets because it was raining and cold. That meant a lot of layers, a lot of things to carry and a lot of places to walk. Just not a good day.

But apparently it's supposed to be sunny tomorrow?! I hope so.

I don't know how much more of this weather I can take. I have a feeling Summer isn't going to happen this year. (Or even Spring for that matter)

Cross your fingers.