So just as a warning, this is going to sound more like an unorganized rant than a blog post, but whatever.
I can't really pinpoint when it happened but sometime during high school, my core group of (non-christian) friends found out I was a Christian. Ohh, so that's why she doesn't curse. I don't want to say I was made fun of, because it never bothered me, but I was called the "church girl" or "the christian" on (what seemed to be) a regular basis. For a while this was awesome to me. Everyone knew not to invite me to parties, offer me alcohol, ask to copy my homework, or ask my opinion on controversial topics. Everyone already knew my answer. I took a lot of pride in being known as the Christian. At some point I think I even started using it as an excuse for practically everything.
But as soon as someone saw my bad side or as soon as I started trash talking somebody, I got the classic phrase "wait, aren't you a Christian?" or "Woah Emily, what would Jesus do?"
For sometime I thought this was humbling. Oh, my friends know how careful I am about my relationship with God so they're just keeping me accountable, right? I was feeling like I had to live up to the image of Christianity that my friends - and the world - thought it was.
Being a Christian doesn't mean I never get my feelings hurt, or that I never lie to people. Loving Jesus and valuing our relationship doesn't make me think I'm perfect.
Graduating high school and moving on was weird because I was entering a place where no one knew my religious background. I wasn't sure how to approach that. I wanted people to know, but I didn't want to be the "perfect, too-good-for-everyone" christian that I was considered in high school. The first couple weeks of school I was invited to many parties, and offered a lot of things that I turned down. But this was expected. Most freshman tend to go overboard with all of this new-found freedom. As much as I didn't want to involve myself in any kind of religious group and maintain the reputation I had in high school, I certainly didn't want to be involved with the party crowd. Nothing against them as people, I just didn't want to choose what they chose to dedicate their life to for the time being.
Long story short, I quickly found myself getting heavily involved in a Christian fellowship group on campus. It seems that I was always involved with/ talking about this club that pretty soon, anyone who had ever talked to me on campus knew exactly what I believed in and who I was living my life for. Some people started to think they could change me, or that I was too good and they needed to level me out and take me to a party or two. Others reacted how everyone reacted towards me in high school.
No one wants to be judged for who they are, but if me being labeled as a Christian is going to scare people from offering me excessive amounts of alcohol, I'll take that as a compliment. Thank you.
But as soon as someone thinks that I'm judging them based on their choices, that's when I get offended. Who am I to judge you? That's not my job. That's definitely not why I'm here.
I've encountered a couple of people recently who, upon learning my Christian background, thought they weren't "religious" or "God-fearing" enough to be my friend. As if I only associated myself with Christians and/ or thought anyone else did not deserve to be around me. So untrue. Hearing stuff like this breaks my heart.
I'm going to live my whole life knowing that I'm not in any way, shape or form worthy of being accepted by my God, but he loves me unconditionally regardless. Why should I expect my friends to try and be good enough for me? That would be completely hypocritical and not like me.
Ultimately, I know that I was born in this country, at this specific time in the history of the Earth, to fulfill God's purpose. He can't be down here with us. The only thing he could do to reach his creation was send his son Jesus, in the flesh, and now it's my job (as well as my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ) to preach the good news and spread Godly loved to every single person we encounter daily.
It's so cliche to say that "I'm not perfect" and "I will make mistakes" but as soon as the face of Christianity is soiled for someone because of something I said or did, I feel too much pressure to fix it. I'm slowly realizing that I don't always have to fix my mistakes for the sake of other people as long as I am right with God. And that is the most comforting feeling.
Another thing I noticed during my first year of college is that anyone will straight out talk to you about how much alcohol they've had, drugs they've experimented with, laws they've broken, things they've done with their boyfriend/ girlfriend, etc. Anything you want to know is practically yours to find out.
UNTIL they find out your a Christian. Automatically it's like oh she doesn't drink so she has no idea what I'm talking about or she's waiting until marriage, she doesn't know what this means and most often since she doesn't curse I feel the need to explain what this curse word means. Like hello I'm almost 19 years old. Yes I can be treated like a normal adult and yes I prefer that. I'm not any less informed about the world than you because I view it differently.
Sooooo yes, I am a Christian. But no, that doesn't mean you can hold everything I do against me. It also doesn't mean that I ask myself what Jesus would do before every decision I make.
I guess I'm just sick of people assuming before they actually know what I stand for. I can say for sure that about 98% of the people I've ever talked to about Christianity made assumptions about my life without asking me what I believe it stands for and how I live it out accordingly. And that has changed and shaped my relationships dramatically.
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